Practice what you preach

As a teacher I would change the last word to teach, instead of preach. It becomes a quite literal sentence that way. And I often find myself teaching, advising, mentoring and coaching children yet not quite practicing that myself…

My main rule in my classroom/ sports hall/ field/ any other setting I am teaching is to never tell me ‘I can’t’. By thinking you cannot do something, you are automatically setting yourself up to fail. Yet, obviously, I also think that ‘I can’t do A,B and C’, quite often actually. And when I hear myself tell my students they have used ‘the forbidden words’, I remind myself I am using them too. And it works. All you have to do is change those words to ‘I will try to do A first, then B and maybe even C’ and you are suddenly doing it. Not without fail, not without pain, not without struggles. Never. But what would the highs be like without the lows? And how would you ever be proud of anything you have achieved if you didn’t have to work for it? I am trying really hard to think right now if there are things I really can’t do. But I think that with training, devotion and time I can really do anything I put my mind to. It may take me an awful long time. So yes, note to self: Never say ‘I can’t…’.

From the feedback I have had recently people seem to view me as a brave woman. I probably am quite brave. But I think all moms are. And I think most women are. In fact most humans are. Because we are all fighting our own battles and facing our own challenges. We all get our energy from different sources and have our own different missions whether they are small a’s or full alphabets in capital letters A-Z.

Another thing I teach: find what you enjoy most and develop that skill and passion further. Go for it! You can do anything, you can be anyone. You are you and that is amazing. It doesn’t matter whether you like reading, gymnastics, designing cars, babies, making money or numbers. As long as you love it, you will make sure you become really good at it. And you will find a way to use it for the rest of your life.

Believe it or not, I was a shy girl when I was young. I mainly remember people’s floors in their houses, for I would try and avoid eye-contact with anyone I didn’t know very well and study floor patterns to keep myself busy, entertained and quiet. No, I am not drawing the conclusion I should have become an interior designer, or floor specialist, my point is that I loved tennis. Still do. But I used to be embarrassed about my favorite sport, I don’t think I told anyone at secondary school. I used to wear what all the other girls were wearing. I used to just want to fit in. For a very long time. Until I didn’t fit in anymore. When all my friends were settling down (at quite a young age!), buying property, having serious relationships and jobs, I went to Kenya. I used my ‘escape card’.
And look what it has brought me. I have discovered who I am in Kenya, I have learned so much about life in general, but mainly about myself. I have a family now. Which is probably why I find teaching the two things mentioned here so so important! And they are my notes to self.

This evening I was writing a reflection on the first 8 weeks of my internship at a Montessori Primary School here in the Netherlands. I cried when I read my own starting point 8 weeks ago; I was confident about the teacher I am, I was optimistic, excited and the targets were all nicely lined up. I was definitely not underestimating this degree, but I was standing at the starting line ready to get going. Full force, head first, fifth gear and whatever other metaphors there are. Why did I cry? I cried because I could see so obviously that I have been trying to fit in here so desperately, I am slowly moving further and further away from who I am and what I bring to the table. How is that happening? I am the 33 year old, go-getter (another word people use, I really like it! Thanks Mary). I got this.

I guess I just have to keep following the notes to self to get back on (my own) track.